…has anyone seen a little boy? I kept saying it over and over again. The unabashed sound of panic in my voice.
How could I have lost him? He was just here.
Well, it happened. I lost my kid. Is there a club or for moms who already felt like failures and then actually failed? Is this how someone becomes a “wine mom” because that would make sense?
Seconds, minutes, I don’t know, it felt like hours of my life went by before I got the call from my husband that he found him. He was nowhere near where we last saw him. How did he get that far without me noticing?
1, 2, 3…1, 2, 3…I’m constantly counting my boys in public places. My eyes moving side to side, my head on a swivel, spotting one child then searching for the next. Sometimes they disappear behind the play house or inside a slide but they always reappear. Except this time only two reappeared. How could I have lost one?
I’ll tell you how. He’s three, which means he’s still little but he’s also deliberate. I have no doubts that he ran…on purpose. He thinks it’s funny to be mischievous. He loves to test his limits. He’s my third boy and he’s making sure he’s noticed.
He’s trying to kill me, obviously.
What’s the new saying? What doesn’t kill you, gives you trauma? My brain will never allow me to forget this moment. I’ll play it over and over in my head. What could have happened? What did I do wrong? How did I not see? In this sea of what-ifs, there’s something else I’ll never forget from this day; something quite beautiful.
People saw a stranger, a mom, with fear and panic in her eyes and they scattered to help, “we’ll look for him!” While the world often feels like it’s full of hate and anger, there are people who remind us that there is still so much good. I’ll be eternally grateful for the people around me who stepped up. Men, women, teenagers, all reassuring me that they were looking.
To these people, who spread out to help me find my little boy, from the bottom of my heart, thank you! It meant the world to me, that you were there that day, in my worst parenting moment, to help my family.
As for me and my little buddy…don’t be surprised if you see him on a leash next time we’re out. 😉
– Kaleena
Be Kind of Witty Mama 